Wednesday, 9 January 2019

Totally Naked

Warning...not my usual type of post....
I woke up this morning with my usual mixed emotions - I was excited to be seeing The Tuesday Girls for today and hearing about their holidays and what they got up to over christmas, and then those thoughts started coming in..you know the ones - what will I wear, I look terrible in everything, I hate my hair how it falls, I hate my round belly - always having to wear a belt as being apple shaped, my trousers just slide down eventually.  Should I get my nails done to make my  hands look prettier.  Should I start wearing different or more make-up to hide the wrinkles, skin discolouration and blemishes..  I hate my wardrobe  - why does it feel like I have nothing nice to wear or which outfit will hide my round belly more..  And then there are other thoughts - those ones when I think of the day ahead of me - reminding myself to ask about the others holidays, and how they are going, remember to remark nicely on something they are wearing to make them feel relaxed and happy about themselves.  Trying to remind myself to be a good listener and not ramble on in my hyped up way.. And of course, the ultimate thought - am I good enough for these girls - do I fit in?
I have so many other negative thoughts that include family - the usual - am I doing enough for them without smothering them.. am I letting them learn at their own pace without trying to add my four cents worth in all the time..  Do I nag too much about the messy house...
These lists go on and on and why????
Then I stopped and thought for a minute - why do I hate such stupid things...I don't judge people for what they wear or look like - to be honest, it takes a great effort to remember to remark on a pretty outfit or hair style etc cause it just isn't what makes me like the person.  I like them for them - not the shining stuff we adorn ourselves with. I don't care what they look like - I just like who they are..  So why can't I put the same level of thoughts upon myself?  
It's time to change - I don't want to be that person anymore..  I want to hate things that are worth hating - things like that bloody disease - cancer, or child abuse, anything truly important that matters and not things that don't.    
I have so many things that I am grateful for - healthy family, wonderful hubby, fantastic friends...etc
So why do I dislike myself so much...how do I change my thought pattern?  Something to work on this year - maybe I should add it to my UFO list...
I don't want to live like this anymore...
Anyhow thanks for listening... sorry it's not my usual rambling..

xxx



4 comments:

  1. Oh dear Sandi....I love you just as you are....xxxx don't change anything..... we all have quirky ways and often don't like ourselves either so just enjoy the things in life that really matter....you are one of the good guys....💗

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  2. Just be you....there's only one of you and she is lovely! Plus I have to say even though it doesn't make you YOU.....you always look really nice xx More importantly you are so generous of spirit, kind and full of fun! From where I am standing.....a pretty great person 💖💖💖

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  3. Hi Sandi i know exactly what you are talking about ,sometimes takes you into a different direction and sometimes situations and people change you before you know it you have lost yourself,bogged down in details and events and when you stop and take a big breath you realize you have lost yourself along the way and you want to find your real self again.
    I love you the way you are and i love our little chats and i love how you are willing to help people and i love your quirky humor,you are a beautiful soul and one that i am proud to call a friend,be kind to yourself Sandi and let your spirit shine my friend xx

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  4. Sandi - not the sort of post I would expect from you - our bright chirpy very generous Sandi. You must be at the bottom of your biorhythm cycle!>
    You always look well dressed, well presented. You have a lovely kind & nurturing soul - yes you possibly nag your kids a bit - that is what mums are for!
    I hope after another fun day out with the Tuesday girls you are back in high spirits again. Love you the way you are - give your hubby & kids a big hug and remember they love you too...just as you are.

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